Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
