so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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