So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
