i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
