so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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