discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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