no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
