I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
