forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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