Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
