You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
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I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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