Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
