If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your penis caused this!
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