Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
