im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
