I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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