if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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