We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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