Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
