He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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