If that was your dad, he is hot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
