Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
