I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
