I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
