I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just tell him i said nine months
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
