I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
