My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
