Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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