Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
