we have officially lost it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
