There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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