Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
