I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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