I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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