Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
