when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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