i already hear my dad disowning me
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
