He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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