i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
