Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
