I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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