I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
