My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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