i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize