brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
