Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
