I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
