I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize