the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Less talking, more tequila
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
