Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
COCAINE IS GR8
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