I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
