Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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