Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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