Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
