Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
