Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
