shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
