she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
