Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
