so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
