Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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