I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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