I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
