I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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