my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
