she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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