I accidentally had phone sex last night
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
