Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
