So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
