Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
