Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Life is so much better after having sex.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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