I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
